I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
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he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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