I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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