I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize