oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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