Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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