Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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