Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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