Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize