I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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