do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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