after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
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im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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