Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
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It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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