So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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