Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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