I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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