"it" just moved
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
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It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
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You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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