Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize