break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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