Can i not drive my cunt home
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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