My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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