Umm I'm too high to move.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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