so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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