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So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
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