Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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