i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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