Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize