I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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