Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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