Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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