OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize