she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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