I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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