My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize