One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
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i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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