I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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