he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize