@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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