have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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