i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize