I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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