its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize