Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
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She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
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And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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