If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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