i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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