I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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