Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize