im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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