Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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