My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
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It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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