I think I died a long time ago.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize